Have you ever been in a situation where you thought, I should have listen to that inner voice?
You were invited to a friends birthday party a few weeks ago,when you wake up on the day of the party, you just think no I really don’t feel like going there, am just lazy, when you think of the crowd of people that will be there, nothing excites you, you might just not even enjoy it?
Or something will go wrong!
You debate the whole morning whether you should just phone and let them know you wont make it, but the better part of you thinks maybe you must just go and drop off the present then leave, no need to stay for long! If you don’t go, it might send the wrong message!
So why bother they won’t even miss you anyway? They may not even be excited to see you? You think?
You thinking if you do go you might not feel welcome, but why are you beating yourself up why not just call and say you will not be able to make it, something actually came up! Your heart is really not feeling this!
Only to find out late that in fact there was that one person there who would have just spoilt your day, even worse there was a bad car accident on your way day!
What if you walk in and that ex you have secretly been trying to get over is at the party with his fiance’ and you are really you are horrified, this is the very last thing you need in your life right now.
You cant exactly turn and walk away it will be too much drama so you grin and bear it! You say hello to everyone and hang out for an hour then gracefully disappear, you are hurting inside and just want to scream!
Even worse you get a puncture on your way back from the party, this just confirms all your fears, you knew you should have not gone to this party in the first place!
Or you actually get to the party and actually enjoy the company actually, and you dance the night away.
The next day you wake up thinking, why were you even having second thoughts about going? You had so much fun and would like to go out more actually.
Question is, do you sometimes get the mixed feelings for no apparent reason? Is that your gut feel that you must follow, there has been times when it has been unfounded fears.
Or, is this the introvert in you trying to stay protected at all times and not wanting to mingle with others? Yes its normal for me as an introvert to feel like that! Finding someone to talk to and get you out of your over analysing brain, even when it is not necessary.
Surround yourself with positive energy.
Are you one of those people who has been working for the same company for over 5 to ten years and feel like your career has not moved much?
Do you feel like you have done everything by the book, you have been through university and gotten your first job and all seemed to be doing well.
It was your fist job so you gave it your all because you wanted to move up the ladder get into management position. That’s where the money is right! this is where you can get recognized and you can move higher places.
You have taken on the extra projects just so you can increase your knowledge. And also to be recognized as a hard worker. You put in the long hours, early morning and work late most evenings.You are a great team player! You never go home until the work is done, if you have to work on weekends you do so!
This environment is big on networking so you go all out, you take up the sports that everyone seems to be interested in, running cycling and OH playing golf, you have even subscribed to a golf club membership just so you increase your handicap right! That’s what everyone asks you about, whats your handicap!!
The corporate world is about being seen by the decision makers? So you make the time to go out for drinks with the team and you socialize!
You have a mentor and keep a monthly diary of catching up but your meetings are somehow magically cancelled at the last minute with reasons varying from impromptu meetings they have had to attend!! You take the time to thoroughly prepare for the meeting and points of discussion but you think its fine i will discuss them when I get a chance to see finally meet up!
Three six months go by and the meeting has not happened!
When you look around you there are people who have been in the same company for more than 15 years doing exactly the same job and they have not even moved departments, no you refuse to be one one those, you are ambitious, you want more out of life. You have mastered this position and its no longer challenging, but at least it pays the bills.
However, your career has not moved much in the last 5 years neither has your income actually! Every month it seems like there is more month than there is money available in your account to pay your bills
Are you being impatient, you ask yourself. Everything seems to have gone up in cost of living, The rental, school fees and transport money and the cost of food!
You have been applying for a few positions internally but you have not qualified for any of those positions. Its only natural to start doubting yourself and thinking maybe this is not where my career will be taken care of, I will not get to that senior management role and you start looking outside for other alternatives.
You are a hard worker, but why doesn’t anybody see that? Am I doing something wrong you ask yourself?
You have registered with a few placement agencies and no contact in over six months, when you follow up, you get the now usual “positions have been frozen at the moment, we will keep an ear out for you” The market is really stagnant right now be patient something will come up! It seems everywhere you look there is just no new prospects.
Your daily costs
The kids need transport money to get to school on a daily basis, you are also a bit behind on the school fees! There is no maintenance money coming from any of the children’s fathers, so there is no one to turn to!
You know of some parents in your situation they to hold 2 or 3 jobs just to be able to provide for their kids and it seems to be the only way to go you have been researching possibilities of starting a business that will not interfere with your current job but at least give you that extra income.
You dream about living a life on your own terms, shopping when you want to a and spending time with you kids when you want to is important to you!
Just maybe this will actually be the solution to help you out of the tight position you are in financially and also give you the freedom to even spend more time with your children. You work long hours and don’t get to spend much time with them.
Are you one of those people who feels you always need to know things?
Do you feel like if you don’t know anything you are destined to fail? You are wrong. There is no shame in not knowing something. The shame is in not being willing to learn!
In this ever changing world we live in it is not possible to know everything. Yes you can research all you want but somethings cannot be fully prepared for before hand.
Think about being a first time mother, you may have gone out and bought a whole library of books on how to raise a child, but once the child is born there are things that are just not written down, you will learn as you you go along, its all trial and error. If the baby does not sleep at night you will try many things that will eventually make the baby get comfortable and sleep.
The books are sitting in the baby room and not even touched in a while!
Next time you are faced with a situation that you don’t know something, take it as an opportunity to gain knowledge and grow as a person.
I understand its easier said than done but take a moment think about what this means in an everyday situation.Sometimes you feel you need to control the situation.
Remember when you first got your drivers licence, yes you had passed the test but you still made mistakes on the road and you learnt from them as you went along! Some things just need more practice.
Think about the last time you were upset because you did not know something anything? How did that situation make you feel? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Upset? Its ok we have all been there., What did you learn form that situation.
It may not have been something life changing but whenever we open ourselves to something life changing, we grow. Old housewives can teach you more about raining a child than any book can!
Make the most of what you have
Than focusing on the unknown. by doing this we give ourselves more opportunities for greatness and less opportunity to worry.
If you want to be more open to opportunities and learning, you shouldn’t cloud your mind about worrying about what is still to come, what you have learnt, what you don’t know! You will never know enough or too prepared! Practice, practice, practice!
Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for answers to come to you! When you open your mind to new possibilities you will be able to be more prepared for what you may not know.
I know that the unknown is frightening at times, but if you were to change your attitude about it the unknown can become a great adventure. We shouldn’t be ashamed of what we don’t know, no matter how significant something may seems to us, it is just a stepping stone in the skeem of things.
Look at where your life was a year ago from now, I know meeting my mentors who helped me learn list building has helped me understand that in life you will not know everything, but can surround yourself with people who can actually hold your hand when you need guidance. We must take what life throws at us and be open to learn from it.
Do you think you have been taking all the troubles of your live for so long now and you are fed up so much so you that don’t want to be with anyone anymore?
But just then you should realise, in all this time the people you have earned who are standing at your back always there to support you, your friends and family and those who need you.
This moment reveals truth about the realities of life and lifetime experiences.
For if this would not have happened, we would have never become the stronger person we are now, have this faith that god never puts a burden on a soul more than he can bear.
Know that if he can turn a night into a day, he can surely turn your misery into a blessing.
This reminds of the day I received a phone call telling me my mother was in a bad car accident and was critical the doctors wanted to amputate her legs. I had been travelling and had to cut my trip short, it was the longest ten hour flight home!
I remember walking into the ICU ward and almost scared to even find her bed. I didn’t know what to expect, I was terrified.
Strength of a character is not always about how much you can handle before you break, it is also about how much you can handle after you have been broken. I thought worst case, she would never be able to walk again, there is no way I would let her struggle on her own.
Life is a beautiful struggle, the journey keeps going not because of the guarantee but because of the possibility of betterment. Sometimes the struggles are exactly what you need in life, if you were to move on in life without any obstacles you would be crippled.
You would never emerge as a strong person and realise your strength.
Leave no room for regrets and don’t forget the power of struggle but sometimes giving up for something is the best choice. But giving up not always meaning that you are weak it’s a signal that you are ready to take another chance and struggle again.
“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire, the size of your dream and how you handle disappointment along the way” The words of Robert Kiyosaki
Talk to yourself and let that stress and anxiety pass out because you are living a life that so many other people in the world wish and struggle for. Know yourself, know your strength, act to its fullest and be that shining ray to someone’s dark day because it’s your life and only you can handle it.
The past 4 years have been a struggle, but we have managed through a few operations and plenty of doctor’s visits, she is walking again and gained 80% of her independence.
Were you up late last night because of your worries? Are they financial or relationship worries?
Or have you grounded yourself because you think you cannot do it, well it’s time you brush off that heaviness, and welcome every hardship with high esteem, courage and strength that yes you can handle it. Ask yourself what are you doing to take the worries away, are you working harder or smarter to get that promotion.
Are you thinking of ways to earn a second income so you can be able to pay your bills at the end of the month or do you have long outstanding debt that is killing your monthly budget.
Or is your relationship under threat and you don’t know whether to walk away or stay, if you walk away how will you survive, the bills, the children the security of being in a relationship! This has been a sore point for many women.
Life is made equal for us all it’s only the scenarios that are different for our different lives. Some days some of us might be having the happiest moments of our lives while some others might have locked themselves in their rooms and let the gloominess and depression fall on them like a sluggish wave.
But guess what your happiness is just a thought away, be proud of the fact that god has made you much stronger than this and it would take much more than this to break you.
Seasons change, time will pass stay focused on ways to reduce that pain! Time heals all wounds. Find a hobby, find a counselling group, start a business!
We spend our days being kind to others, we smile and wave asking them how they are doing, and let them go entrances through first.
We tell them they are looking good, oh that dress is beautiful, that color looks good on you!
But we are never kind to ourselves, how many different times in a week do you look down on yourself wishing someone would like you better, or that your dress fitted differently, maybe if my hips were bigger or smaller or if my tummy was flatter, stop it and be kind to yourself!
Too many people over value what they are not and under value what they are! Why do we do that??
Why do we compromise ourselves? Sadly this follows on to how we let people treat us!