Are you one of those people who has been working for the same company for over 5 to ten years and feel like your career has not moved much?
Do you feel like you have done everything by the book, you have been through university and gotten your first job and all seemed to be doing well.
It was your fist job so you gave it your all because you wanted to move up the ladder get into management position. That’s where the money is right! this is where you can get recognized and you can move higher places.
You have taken on the extra projects just so you can increase your knowledge. And also to be recognized as a hard worker. You put in the long hours, early morning and work late most evenings.You are a great team player! You never go home until the work is done, if you have to work on weekends you do so!
This environment is big on networking so you go all out, you take up the sports that everyone seems to be interested in, running cycling and OH playing golf, you have even subscribed to a golf club membership just so you increase your handicap right! That’s what everyone asks you about, whats your handicap!!
The corporate world is about being seen by the decision makers? So you make the time to go out for drinks with the team and you socialize!
You have a mentor and keep a monthly diary of catching up but your meetings are somehow magically cancelled at the last minute with reasons varying from impromptu meetings they have had to attend!! You take the time to thoroughly prepare for the meeting and points of discussion but you think its fine i will discuss them when I get a chance to see finally meet up!
Three six months go by and the meeting has not happened!
When you look around you there are people who have been in the same company for more than 15 years doing exactly the same job and they have not even moved departments, no you refuse to be one one those, you are ambitious, you want more out of life. You have mastered this position and its no longer challenging, but at least it pays the bills.
However, your career has not moved much in the last 5 years neither has your income actually! Every month it seems like there is more month than there is money available in your account to pay your bills
Are you being impatient, you ask yourself. Everything seems to have gone up in cost of living, The rental, school fees and transport money and the cost of food!
You have been applying for a few positions internally but you have not qualified for any of those positions. Its only natural to start doubting yourself and thinking maybe this is not where my career will be taken care of, I will not get to that senior management role and you start looking outside for other alternatives.
You are a hard worker, but why doesn’t anybody see that? Am I doing something wrong you ask yourself?
You have registered with a few placement agencies and no contact in over six months, when you follow up, you get the now usual “positions have been frozen at the moment, we will keep an ear out for you” The market is really stagnant right now be patient something will come up! It seems everywhere you look there is just no new prospects.
Your daily costs
The kids need transport money to get to school on a daily basis, you are also a bit behind on the school fees! There is no maintenance money coming from any of the children’s fathers, so there is no one to turn to!
You know of some parents in your situation they to hold 2 or 3 jobs just to be able to provide for their kids and it seems to be the only way to go you have been researching possibilities of starting a business that will not interfere with your current job but at least give you that extra income.
You dream about living a life on your own terms, shopping when you want to a and spending time with you kids when you want to is important to you!
Just maybe this will actually be the solution to help you out of the tight position you are in financially and also give you the freedom to even spend more time with your children. You work long hours and don’t get to spend much time with them.
Are you one of those people who feels you always need to know things?
Do you feel like if you don’t know anything you are destined to fail? You are wrong. There is no shame in not knowing something. The shame is in not being willing to learn!
In this ever changing world we live in it is not possible to know everything. Yes you can research all you want but somethings cannot be fully prepared for before hand.
Think about being a first time mother, you may have gone out and bought a whole library of books on how to raise a child, but once the child is born there are things that are just not written down, you will learn as you you go along, its all trial and error. If the baby does not sleep at night you will try many things that will eventually make the baby get comfortable and sleep.
The books are sitting in the baby room and not even touched in a while!
Next time you are faced with a situation that you don’t know something, take it as an opportunity to gain knowledge and grow as a person.
I understand its easier said than done but take a moment think about what this means in an everyday situation.Sometimes you feel you need to control the situation.
Remember when you first got your drivers licence, yes you had passed the test but you still made mistakes on the road and you learnt from them as you went along! Some things just need more practice.
Think about the last time you were upset because you did not know something anything? How did that situation make you feel? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Upset? Its ok we have all been there., What did you learn form that situation.
It may not have been something life changing but whenever we open ourselves to something life changing, we grow. Old housewives can teach you more about raining a child than any book can!
Make the most of what you have
Than focusing on the unknown. by doing this we give ourselves more opportunities for greatness and less opportunity to worry.
If you want to be more open to opportunities and learning, you shouldn’t cloud your mind about worrying about what is still to come, what you have learnt, what you don’t know! You will never know enough or too prepared! Practice, practice, practice!
Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for answers to come to you! When you open your mind to new possibilities you will be able to be more prepared for what you may not know.
I know that the unknown is frightening at times, but if you were to change your attitude about it the unknown can become a great adventure. We shouldn’t be ashamed of what we don’t know, no matter how significant something may seems to us, it is just a stepping stone in the skeem of things.
Look at where your life was a year ago from now, I know meeting my mentors who helped me learn list building has helped me understand that in life you will not know everything, but can surround yourself with people who can actually hold your hand when you need guidance. We must take what life throws at us and be open to learn from it.
Have you been faced with a situation where everything seemed to be going wrong, no matter how hard you tried, it doesn’t work out! Its not your day!
In the thickest of traffic bumper to bumper, you start smelling a burning clutch and you make a small prayer that its not your car! Law and behold a few minutes later you car is smoking and you have to do an emergency stop. And you have no one to assist you and you have to wait for help.
What are you thinking? Maybe its time to get a new car but money is too tight at the moment, you just barely getting by on your single mom income, with two kids to feed?? This is the very last thing you need right now.
You get to work eventually that meeting you set up will be over in 10 minutes over, you rush into the elevator thinking this will be quick at least your boss will see that you tried! And there are 10 other people in there, for some reason it seems the elevator is not moving fast enough next thing the lights go off it stops midway and you are stuck in there for an hour.
Maybe from now on you will take the five flights of stairs to avoid being stuck, that will be good exercise for you as you never have enough time to go to the gym anyway! Your boss is not impressed!!
You were blessed with a natural predisposition towards optimism
Without making any less of my good fortune I do work very hard to wrangle wayward, rebellious, dark thoughts into bow and rainbow shapes.
If my perspective can diminish pain I say yes, please. How do I need to look at this so that I suffer less?
I have learned that looking at the good is a good habit more than it is a character trait. I have two “go to” ways to get myself out of a funk in moments of despair. (They work if I can remember them.)
Say something makes me angry or frustrated. My insides rage. I hear a thousand indignant voices in the middle of which I try to slip in a question?
What is this here to teach me? I ask myself??
The notion that something was sent to me lovingly to be a teacher rather than an aggressor alters the angle that traps me so I can wriggle free.
As an added bonus occasionally I also learn something!
If you need to stand in line for two hours at the post office to renew my drivers license which expired 4 months ago, and you were sent a reminder, but decided to ignore it but now you are being stopped at every road block, so can’t get drive to work anymore have to take public transport. you tell myself maybe you need to learn a bit of patience and renew on time then I would not be in this predicament.
The second “go to” method that tends to work has to do with getting out of my own head.
The situation you are in totally sucks but there are other people in the world besides you, who have less than you have but still manage to smile. Anything you could be doing to make someone else’s life a bit better?
If bad things have to happen we might as well make ourselves useful. When you buy grocery for the week or month, buy extra and deliver at an orphanage, there is always someone who can use the little extra that you have and it would mean a lot to them.
If I had not my mentors, at the back of my mind I would have been thinking, if only I had another way of earning an income without having to put up with a boss who does not understand life happens and one cannot always be in control! That would allow me to spend more time with my children and not get stuck in traffic like it happened this morning!
I was once asked the question. What do you value in your life? Is it family, friends, children, your health?
Question is, what do you spend most of your time doing? That is what you value!!!
I debated with myself, I pride myself in loving my family tremendously, I work so hard to provide for them, my health is important to me!
Ask yourself how much time you spend with the people or things you say you value?
If you say you value your family, how much time are you spending with them? When someone is sick do you spend time with them in hospital and support them!
How often do you attend your child’s school play, do you make time to play with your children. Do you know who their friends are?
Your life partner, how often do you ask them how your day was, do you even know what is going on in their life?
When last did you speak to your parents? How often do you visit them? Or is it only on Christmas and Thanksgiving?
Or do think throwing money at the problem will somehow magically solve it.
Are you supporting them when they need you the most?
Or are you too busy living your own life?
If you value your health, how much time do you spend working out? Are you heating healthy? Do you diligently take annual tests or not!
Its about what habits are you feeding your body.
I know I have been unsubscribed at the gym a few times for not going enough times in a year! Oh and I love cooking so am not shy to taste the food I cook as well! Diets do not work for me, trust me I have tried a lot of them.
And I do care about my body, I care about how I look wearing a pair of jeans a white T-shirt and want to be comfortable and not wear anything underneath to hide stuff!
One has to think of an outfit long and hard before picking it in case it reveals uncomplimentary parts of my body!
If you value health what are you doing to show that? Are you eating right, are you exercising. This gave me an opportunity to do an introspection.
I learnt that freedom provides me the opportunity to spend quality time on the people I value the most.
Is that really showing value to someone or something?
Do you value your job or business?
How much time are dedicating to making sure you succeed? How hard are you working on it? Or are you working just to pay the bills?
I found in business having a mentor helped me focus on what was important to ensure it succeeded.
Do you still remember the chores you had as a child in your parents house?
Are these fond memories? When with the family on Thanksgiving or over Christmas does everyone just fall back into what their chores were as children or not?
Most importantly how do you feel about them?
I remember I learnt to cook at the age of 11, partly because I enjoyed helping my older siblings cook and I would always be busy with them in the kitchen.
But of course when everyone left for boarding school in high school i was well prepared to make a full meal on my own by the age of 13 and also my mom was not very compromising when it came to chores and reality, she would not get back from work and still cook for me 🙂
Later on in life i actually realized she just never liked to cook! Especially after she had not done it for so long!
So we had different tasks in the house and everyone sort of chose what they were comfortable with, my sisters quickly realized cleaning was not my specialty as whatever I did they would still have to go over!
Now this left me with cooking, which I enjoyed and there was peace in the house!
However, now there are grandchildren in the family but somehow the cooking still falls on me, I wonder why? I swear they will make sure I cook before I leave the house for the day even if I have plans to eat out with friends.Even on the days I have had a long night out with friends, come the morning, that’s me on the stove making breakfast, lunch and dinner 🙂 for them!
On the other hand, I was forced to make tea for mom and my sisters and visitors, to date, I hate making tea for people, its just a mental block I get immediately, even if I am in the kitchen cooking, don’t ask me to make you tea! I just fail to understand why anyone would ask me for me!
Does anyone else have this scar for life or is it just me? Please share yours.