I was once asked the question. What do you value in your life? Is it family, friends, children, your health?
Question is, what do you spend most of your time doing? That is what you value!!!
I debated with myself, I pride myself in loving my family tremendously, I work so hard to provide for them, my health is important to me!
Ask yourself how much time you spend with the people or things you say you value?
If you say you value your family, how much time are you spending with them? When someone is sick do you spend time with them in hospital and support them!
How often do you attend your child’s school play, do you make time to play with your children. Do you know who their friends are?
Your life partner, how often do you ask them how your day was, do you even know what is going on in their life?
When last did you speak to your parents? How often do you visit them? Or is it only on Christmas and Thanksgiving?
Or do think throwing money at the problem will somehow magically solve it.
Are you supporting them when they need you the most?
Or are you too busy living your own life?
If you value your health, how much time do you spend working out? Are you heating healthy? Do you diligently take annual tests or not!
Its about what habits are you feeding your body.
I know I have been unsubscribed at the gym a few times for not going enough times in a year! Oh and I love cooking so am not shy to taste the food I cook as well! Diets do not work for me, trust me I have tried a lot of them.
And I do care about my body, I care about how I look wearing a pair of jeans a white T-shirt and want to be comfortable and not wear anything underneath to hide stuff!
One has to think of an outfit long and hard before picking it in case it reveals uncomplimentary parts of my body!
If you value health what are you doing to show that? Are you eating right, are you exercising. This gave me an opportunity to do an introspection.
I learnt that freedom provides me the opportunity to spend quality time on the people I value the most.
Is that really showing value to someone or something?
Do you value your job or business?
How much time are dedicating to making sure you succeed? How hard are you working on it? Or are you working just to pay the bills?
I found in business having a mentor helped me focus on what was important to ensure it succeeded.
Do you still remember the chores you had as a child in your parents house?
Are these fond memories? When with the family on Thanksgiving or over Christmas does everyone just fall back into what their chores were as children or not?
Most importantly how do you feel about them?
I remember I learnt to cook at the age of 11, partly because I enjoyed helping my older siblings cook and I would always be busy with them in the kitchen.
But of course when everyone left for boarding school in high school i was well prepared to make a full meal on my own by the age of 13 and also my mom was not very compromising when it came to chores and reality, she would not get back from work and still cook for me 🙂
Later on in life i actually realized she just never liked to cook! Especially after she had not done it for so long!
So we had different tasks in the house and everyone sort of chose what they were comfortable with, my sisters quickly realized cleaning was not my specialty as whatever I did they would still have to go over!
Now this left me with cooking, which I enjoyed and there was peace in the house!
However, now there are grandchildren in the family but somehow the cooking still falls on me, I wonder why? I swear they will make sure I cook before I leave the house for the day even if I have plans to eat out with friends.Even on the days I have had a long night out with friends, come the morning, that’s me on the stove making breakfast, lunch and dinner 🙂 for them!
On the other hand, I was forced to make tea for mom and my sisters and visitors, to date, I hate making tea for people, its just a mental block I get immediately, even if I am in the kitchen cooking, don’t ask me to make you tea! I just fail to understand why anyone would ask me for me!
Does anyone else have this scar for life or is it just me? Please share yours.
Some people will try blow out your candle so theirs can shine
You have worked very hard on a project that is coming into fruition slowly it has not been easy, but you have put in the hours and the tears. No one else knows the sleepless nights you have had just to get this project out!
In certain cases you have been accused of getting a position because you were are female or because of a favorable relationship with decision makers, NO, it was pure hard work, but they do not know that
I was reminded of a biography I read about the very famous Aretha Franklin with her beautiful voice, she says “at times we may be tempted to start questioning ourselves and feel maybe actually they are right, no soldier on” Imagine if she had given up?? She would never have reached platinum album sales, none of her music would be played as best soul songs, why?? Because of criticism?
Misery loves company
Always know that you are shining no matter what they say about you. You have indeed worked very hard to be where you are. Remember when Noah built the Ark they still told him he was wasting his time, until the floods came and they were asking for shelter.
Moral of the story always be prepared to focus on your goals, there will always be someone trying to put you down.
Don’t ever think you stopping me from doing something will discourage me, NO, I will continue to shine.
As long as you have treated people well, good will come back to you.
Your sun seekers will not shine in the shade!
Whatever bad someone has done to me, they will never be reminded by me, I chose to move on!
Have you ever had to deal with a teenager who was not doing too well at school and was at the verge of giving up?
How did you deal with it? All his friends are doing better than him it seems, he has had to repeat classes a few times so it seems all his age mates are ahead of him, this is depressing him no doubt.
No matter how hard he tries it just does not seem to cut it. Extra classes have previously made no difference.
This is a soul you must nurture and hold their hand! And because he is so young he does not know any better or even though you may tell them, at the time they do not understand.
This is when one starts appreciating alternative methods to life skills, not everyone is meant for school!
The biggest challenge has been to let him see that it’s not the end of the world he can still make something of himself in this life.
I have come to learn that failure is part of life. When you fail at one thing it does not define who you are. I tell him!
For me failure just means get up and try again. You may fail at one thing but it does not or should not determine your future.
Not everyone is meant for school and just because someone was not gifted academically does not mean they cannot be good at something else.
My personal challenge at the moment is to show that to a 16 year old. I am determined with love and caring to show him he can make of his life.
Am holding his hand to learn a business skill, which will sustain him for life.
Have you gone through a similar situation, how did you deal with it? Did you have a mentor helping you?
Do you think you have been taking all the troubles of your live for so long now and you are fed up so much so you that don’t want to be with anyone anymore?
But just then you should realise, in all this time the people you have earned who are standing at your back always there to support you, your friends and family and those who need you.
This moment reveals truth about the realities of life and lifetime experiences.
For if this would not have happened, we would have never become the stronger person we are now, have this faith that god never puts a burden on a soul more than he can bear.
Know that if he can turn a night into a day, he can surely turn your misery into a blessing.
This reminds of the day I received a phone call telling me my mother was in a bad car accident and was critical the doctors wanted to amputate her legs. I had been travelling and had to cut my trip short, it was the longest ten hour flight home!
I remember walking into the ICU ward and almost scared to even find her bed. I didn’t know what to expect, I was terrified.
Strength of a character is not always about how much you can handle before you break, it is also about how much you can handle after you have been broken. I thought worst case, she would never be able to walk again, there is no way I would let her struggle on her own.
Life is a beautiful struggle, the journey keeps going not because of the guarantee but because of the possibility of betterment. Sometimes the struggles are exactly what you need in life, if you were to move on in life without any obstacles you would be crippled.
You would never emerge as a strong person and realise your strength.
Leave no room for regrets and don’t forget the power of struggle but sometimes giving up for something is the best choice. But giving up not always meaning that you are weak it’s a signal that you are ready to take another chance and struggle again.
“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire, the size of your dream and how you handle disappointment along the way” The words of Robert Kiyosaki
Talk to yourself and let that stress and anxiety pass out because you are living a life that so many other people in the world wish and struggle for. Know yourself, know your strength, act to its fullest and be that shining ray to someone’s dark day because it’s your life and only you can handle it.
The past 4 years have been a struggle, but we have managed through a few operations and plenty of doctor’s visits, she is walking again and gained 80% of her independence.
Do you know how to ride a bicycle? Do you remember how you learnt?
To some people this may sound like a stupid and obvious question, their dad taught them! And when they fell there was someone to pick them up and bathe them with dettol!!
But to someone else this is a serious challenge! They had to learn at spinning class at the gym later on in life. For some people this was their first chance to ever get on one!
For some people growing up to have a bicycle was a privilege only a few had. At the flats where I grew up I remember only one child had a bicycle and all the children in the neighbourhood would get a chance to ride it, with or without the parents knowledge.
I remember my neighbour had a bicycle and no one else in the neighbourhood had. He was a best friend to all the children around the block! Whatever he asked for I swear he got it from us. Just as long as we got a chance to ride his bike.
Children playing in the street
We would stand on different pole ends and cycle from one pole to the next. Luckily he was not smart enough to charge us for the ride, can you imagine all our pocket money would only go to him, he would have been a millionaire by now.
This would go on the whole day, but when the parents got back from work we would all somehow disappear because on the few occasions we got caught, the bicycle was taken away.
And no we did not want this precious toy to be taken away from us, so we would have “community police” on the watch to alert us should the parents be on their way back from home or be spotted on their way back.
Some of the parents in the neighbourhood would see us during the day on this very exciting game and would not care. But some like my mother was a party pooper she caught me once and I regretted it bitterly, she told me if she ever found out I was on that bike, life as I knew it would change!!! And she was very good at keeping promises. Jeesh I really thought she hated me! She didn’t want me to have fun!
I had to duck into the bush if she happened to for some reason I never understood come home early on that particular day. I remember one day letting go of the bike and flying into the bush, I knew then life was unfair.
Those were the good times, we had fun, I knew then I wanted to work hard in order to afford that bicycle! I would never even dare ask my mom to get me one as she could not afford it!
This I used as a motivation for myself to work harder and be better than my circumstances! I wanted my own things, I knew being second best had to be a temporary situation.
Only through hard work I could get it right! I am determined to focus even if that’s the last thing I ever have to do!
Ok you can confess to be the proud Aunt to your nephews and nieces, you love them dearly! And you enjoy spending time together and you spoil them a bit too much!
The question that everyone has been asking you is, when are you planning on having your own children? Are you planning on having any, time is running out they say!
This is a question that is asked in full view of everyone and for a while one will laugh and brush it off BUT what no one knows is how difficult it has been for you to actually conceive! It has not been for lack of trying.
The question then is, is it insensitive to ask a woman when she is planning on having children? By the way this happens to couples as well as single women!
I know a lot of people who go through this emotional battle very privately. Growing up I had an aunt who I was very fond of, whenever we visited she went all out to entertain us, and she would play with us and cook the best meals ever.
As a child I didn’t understand why she never had children but I loved going to her place, only later on in my life, did I figure it out!
Is it insensitive to ask? Or can we blame it on just a general conversation?? As a society should we just not be asking such questions and be sensitive? This question can cut really deep!
Life is never a straight line, everyone follows a different path! God does not give you more than you can handle!
Is it best to just find a business you love and give it your all? Until another blessing comes for you?
I was once asked the question. What do you value in your life? Is it family, friends, children, your health? Question is, what do you spend most of your time doing? That is what you value!!! I debated with myself, I pride myself in loving my family tremendously, I... read more
Do you still remember the chores you had as a child in your parents house? Are these fond memories? When with the family on Thanksgiving or over Christmas does everyone just fall back into what their chores were as children or not? Most importantly how do you feel... read more
Some people will try blow out your candle so theirs can shine You have worked very hard on a project that is coming into fruition slowly it has not been easy, but you have put in the hours and the tears. No one else knows the sleepless nights you have had just to get... read more
Have you ever had to deal with a teenager who was not doing too well at school and was at the verge of giving up? How did you deal with it? All his friends are doing better than him it seems, he has had to repeat classes a few times so it seems all his age mates are... read more
Do you think you have been taking all the troubles of your live for so long now and you are fed up so much so you that don't want to be with anyone anymore? But just then you should realise, in all this time the people you have earned who are standing at your back... read more
Do you know how to ride a bicycle? Do you remember how you learnt? To some people this may sound like a stupid and obvious question, their dad taught them! And when they fell there was someone to pick them up and bathe them with dettol!! But to someone else this is a... read more
Were you up late last night because of your worries? Are they financial or relationship worries? Or have you grounded yourself because you think you cannot do it, well it's time you brush off that heaviness, and welcome every hardship with high esteem, courage and... read more
Were you up late last night because of your worries? Are they financial or relationship worries?
Or have you grounded yourself because you think you cannot do it, well it’s time you brush off that heaviness, and welcome every hardship with high esteem, courage and strength that yes you can handle it. Ask yourself what are you doing to take the worries away, are you working harder or smarter to get that promotion.
Are you thinking of ways to earn a second income so you can be able to pay your bills at the end of the month or do you have long outstanding debt that is killing your monthly budget.
Or is your relationship under threat and you don’t know whether to walk away or stay, if you walk away how will you survive, the bills, the children the security of being in a relationship! This has been a sore point for many women.
Life is made equal for us all it’s only the scenarios that are different for our different lives. Some days some of us might be having the happiest moments of our lives while some others might have locked themselves in their rooms and let the gloominess and depression fall on them like a sluggish wave.
But guess what your happiness is just a thought away, be proud of the fact that god has made you much stronger than this and it would take much more than this to break you.
Seasons change, time will pass stay focused on ways to reduce that pain! Time heals all wounds. Find a hobby, find a counselling group, start a business!